|Running into your past, lack of communication with friends, and a personal issue
||[Feb. 13th, 2007|08:45 pm]
After work today, I went back to the seafood department to get crab legs. On my way out of the break room to there, I walked past an employee I hadn't recalled seeing before since I started at this store. I did a double-take of him, but kept walking. While they got my crab legs together, I went back to him and asked if he went to Safety Harbor Middle. He nods and goes, "I thought you looked familiar". We chit-chatted for a few, then I left to get my crab legs.
His name is Will, and he's leaving in a week to move to Indiana again. I remember when we first met, he asked me to go to a school dance with him. Let's say that I wasn't a popular person in middle school, and he got teased so much for taking me to the dance and for talking to me period. Before that, he was a nice boy who actually *talked* to me and sat with me at lunch. After the whole dance thing, he just started being rude to me like many of the other kids. I remember because one year, I think the next year, we both had to go to summer school and we had the same bus stop. He wasn't very nice then. But I guess that's just how people are at that age, because when I ran into him today, he (from what I could tell in such short time) was the same person I originally remember.
Last Friday was my friend Natalie's birthday. Me, her and Chelsea went out to play pool. Not long after we got there, she was bringing up JR. I said I didn't want to talk about it, partly because thoughts of him still sting a bit, and also because she never liked him from the get go (much like every guy I like, including my ex), so I knew she would just get into a tirade about it. She started getting pissy after I kept rebuffing talking about it, and making snarky remarks.
Towards the end of the night, she was starting to bitch about how I never tell her anything, and that I haven't in the past couple years or so. We go way back, since about 3rd grade. I was trying to tell her it's because she overreacts, and gets pretty bullheaded about things, among other things. For example, when I was pregnant, I didn't tell her till I was already 6 months along. I was afraid she'd think badly of me, because she's not a big fan of children. Only later did I realize she has many friends with kids, and obviously still remained friends with them, so I was the one who "overreacted", I guess. But generally it's hard for me to tell her things, because I never think she'll understand, or if she'll see my points of view. She tends to make snap judgments, and... yeah.
But we finally had an apparently long-overdue conversation. She was expressing displeasure with either never being told anything about what's going on in my life, or being the last to know. I tried to explain that it didn't sit well with me not telling her. It's not that I don't ever let people tell me things I don't necessarily want to hear, but with her, she has a tendency to be bullheaded and has a very hard time seeing other points of view on things.
I told her that she has to promise to actually *listen* to me when/if I bring up something I want to talk about, and not be so bullheaded about things, to try to understand other POV's even if she doesn't agree with it. She understood me, and I understood her. (I can't quite remember what she said, but in any case I understood whatever it was. ^^;;)
One of the (many) reasons for my quitting college halfway through the fall semester was because my attention span sucks. Absolutely no exaggeration there. Someone told me that I just need to steer my attention towards doing something I really like, and I won't have that problem, but that's just not the case. Even when I'm doing something I really like, I can't focus. As soon as I start doing *whatever*, my mind immediately goes somewhere else. Every time.
That said, I have this fear of not remembering things (and subsequently a fear of not getting things done), so I write lots of notes. Constantly. I don't know when this habit started, but I also have gotten to the point where I write notes of notes. It's terrible.
The two things tie into each other, and I really don't know what to do about this.
Another thing is I have packrat tendencies. I don't quite understand this either. I wouldn't say it's a cause of my debt, as it was relatively expensive purchases that caused that. Blah, enough introspective shit for now.