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Long enough, eh? Geez. - 神話蝶 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Long enough, eh? Geez. [Feb. 13th, 2006|03:36 pm]
[Current Mood |cynicalcynical]
[Current Music |Cascada]

We had moved just down the road around New Year's when our former complex (right next door to my store) turned condo, so now I have a 10 minute walk to work (although who's to say this wouldn't have happened if we still lived there). I was going to work at 5pm on Saturday, and had just entered the shopping plaza, crossing from one sidewalk to another in front of Wendy's. 5pm in broad daylight, in the middle of a small shopping plaza, for crying out loud.

I was talking to my mom on the phone when it happened (seems I have a knack for things of this nature to happen while on the phone -- and I don't even use the phone a lot), so needless to say I was caught completely unaware.

My first thought was "Why the hell am I falling?", the second was "Oh maybe they just knocked into me". Finally, I realized I was mugged, by a couple black male teenagers. I didn't really get a look at them, as it all happened and they ran away so fast. When I realized what was happening, I still had a grip on my purse but I let go out of fear. In retrospect, I almost wish I had fought back, but note I said almost.

An elderly couple was pulling in when they saw me being attacked, and a employee inside Wendy's saw it too. My store manager got wind of the situation and he later came out to see what was going on. (He later told me I didn't have to come in on Sunday either, but I did anyway - $$$.)

I guess the boys who mugged me had ran into my former apartment complex, because an old neighbor found my purse, with its contents scattered, under a stairwell in my old building. (She knew it was mine because the checkbooks were left behind too.) Stupid kids didn't notice my credit cards, which I kept hidden in a zippered compartment, despite everything being scattered. They did take my wallet, though, which had my state ID, school ID, debit cards, library card, social security card, et cetera. Also, I guess the Wendy's employee said originally these kids were in a white car with a couple others, and that they were pushed out in a hurry. Most think it was random, but I'm inclined to think it wasn't. It was suggested that maybe they knew me, but most, as I said, think it was spontaneous.

Normally in a traumatic event, in my view, one might get the instinct to help others more and/or have (more) children... but when you get mugged, or attacked in general, it's different. I've been stolen from before; my laptop while I was in California (happened right under my nose while on the back porch with roommates -- didn't see who did it either), but as I said in the previous sentence, being robbed "right under your nose" (whether you're home or not) isn't quite the same as being attacked *and* robbed, IMHO.

One never thinks anything like this will happen to them. I remember a saying from Bush around the time of 9/11, who then said something along the lines of "Don't let them strike fear into you and disrupt your life". That's about the only smart thing I think he's ever said. Rationally, I know that statement to be true, but I can't help but be completely irrational and let that fear infiltrate and break up my life. I simply don't feel as safe anymore. I've walked around streets at all hours of day and night at least since I was 15 or so, and while people called me crazy, I didn't mind walking around, even alone.

When I went to bed that night at 2:30am (after sleeping from 8-11pm), I didn't get to sleep finally until 4am. It's normal for things to run through my head before I fall asleep, but I swear a whole library was going through or something. I was (still) tired, though... that nap didn't erase the tiredness. And I woke up for some ungodly reason around 7:15am. In the 3 hours I slept, I had nothing but nightmares. Let's just boil the dream(s) down to being attacked (though not necessarily robbed) again. It made me wonder if something else even worse happens to me, Saturday afternoon made that possibility totally real for me. I slept fine Sunday night, though.

My manager had said I didn't need to come in Sunday, if I didn't want to, but I did because I was still irked about missing work on Saturday (it was my choice to go home that night, but I was still miffed about the situation). Hsiaokwai wouldn't give me a ride, because he said "What are the chances of that happening again (especially in the immediate future)"... total lip service about giving me rides the night before, fuck. He says I need to hurry in getting my license back (owe the DMV $1300), because then he'll give me his Corolla, and he'll get a "new" one. After work, a co-worker came back to get me (her shift ended 2 hours before me) and drive me home. I was grateful but I just wish I didn't have to be afraid of a 10-MINUTE walk.

Sometimes I got the impression that while many cared a lot to come up to me (rather than me to them) and offer support, others I felt just shrugged it off, like "Oh it's just a mugging no big deal". Which is why I feel rather silly writing a fucking novel, it seems, about the situation.

I'm fine, overall, though. I have my moments where people manage to liven me up a bit, but then soon enough I revert back to feeling the way I was before (fear, helplessness, feeling like nothing matters, so on and so forth). I walked with a slight limp until Sunday night, and I'm sure i'll get the mother of all bruises on the leg I was knocked down onto the ground with by tomorrow or Wednesday. My right shoulder area feels sore and strained, as well. I can still use both just fine though, I just have to do things only a little slower.

Sorry about the length... I mostly elaborate on details and expand further with reflections and such like that for myself.