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"Choosing to be childfree" (:P) [Dec. 24th, 2004|05:21 pm]
"There was one study that asked parents what was their primary reason for having children. The number one answer was, 'I don't know,'" says Sharon N. Covington, a clinical social worker at the Shady Grove Fertility Center in Maryland.

Reproduction is the most basic of human instincts--no doubt one of the main reasons people have children. But there's also tremendous societal pressure to procreate.

Announce to friends and family that you're having a baby, and you'll get smiling congratulations all around. Announce that you've decided to never bear a child, and you'll probably be dismissed with lines like "You'll change your mind," or "You'll regret it." Nonparents occasionally hear ruder comments, too.

"Whenever I go to the gynecologist," says Sally, "he says, ‘So, have you thought about having children?' One time he said, ‘I just don't want you to grow old and look back and think you've done nothing with your life.'"

Source: http://www.populationconnection.org/Reports_Publications/Reports/report213.html

*snorts* I know my reason for having a child -- messed up on birth control. Heh.

[User Picture]From: sailormidori
2004-12-24 03:00 pm (UTC)
i really hate how people can think that just because you don't raise a passel of brats, you've done nothing with your life. that very theory presumes *your* life means nothing, it's only the lives you *create* that count.

there's nothing wrong with those who choose to become a homemaker/childraiser - because they're choosing to do so. being forced to procreate by soceity is a lame reason to bring a child you don't want into being, and using 'biological instincts' is a mere cop-out.

i mean no offense to you personally - mistakes do happen, and you chose to keep the child, with which i wish you the best of luck, and i expect to see pictures of the little bugger!
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[User Picture]From: shinwachou
2004-12-24 03:32 pm (UTC)
I always said *IF* I ever had kids, I'd want to (because i'm an only child personally).

But... now, I don't think I want a second child, and so on. Partly because I have my own life to attend to, partly because (as a result of the former reason) I want to focus on the one i'm going to have, and also because this world is too saturated with humans as it is. :|

Sometimes I wonder why I continued with the pregnancy -- shocked a number of people (myself included), I assure you. I am still not certain why I did, but maybe it's because I was too chickenshit to get an abortion (I haven't turned against abortion rights, far from it, but I get really nervous just going on rollercoasters (even though I've been on them before, I still get nervous each time!).

Who knows, eh? :)
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[User Picture]From: sailormidori
2004-12-24 06:06 pm (UTC)
having a baby does not in any way require you to give up your support of abortion rights. it simply means you're pro-choice, and for whatever reason chose to keep the child.

i agree the world is overpopulated, but i'm glad that's not the sole reason for staying a one-child mama for the time being. i feel you made a very rational decision - it's *your* life first, only now it includes your child. props to you for putting your collective needs first, rather than rush to make a playmate for the baby.

best of luck to ya *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: xochitl
2004-12-24 06:43 pm (UTC)
I agree! That is the beauty of being pro-choice... you actually GET a choice. :)
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From: verschwiegen
2004-12-24 07:38 pm (UTC)
When it comes to the creation of life, it'll be a better chance that you'll appreciate your decision more than you regret it....for some people it may take time to realize this. You never know what time will do to you or what you'll think. I know from personal experience.
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[User Picture]From: shinwachou
2004-12-25 07:22 am (UTC)
Wow, I actually had to read your response a few times before I understood in the slightest.

You never know what time will do to you or what you'll think.

That's what my boyfriend tried telling me before, although I can't remember the particular conversation topics where it came up.

The passage of time can either do something to you, or not. I still consider myself fairly open-minded (I'll at least try to understand where another person comes from, even if I still disagree in the end), but I really don't think my core values/beliefs will change in the next 30-40+ years.

Now, I don't regret having this child. Sure, i'm a little incensed at... yet again... having to knock some plans back, but I still don't regret. Either way, I'll still think "I can't believe this actually happened to me".

[/end babbling]
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From: verschwiegen
2004-12-25 08:16 am (UTC)
Now, I don't regret having this child.
Thats all that matters. Yeah you're situation is pretty unfortunate. At least you don't have to think whether certain things will change in your mind down the road now.
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