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I want to die. Want to know why? See 2nd LJ cut. [Jul. 5th, 2004|02:52 pm]
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[Current Music |Schwarz Stein - Artificial Hallucination (album)]

Saturday evening, I went with Hsiaokwai over to his parent's house. When he left work, he called me saying to get dressed and wait outside, we would go on a short random car ride, or something. We went down Okeechobee Blvd, all the way down, ironically where his parents live. I don't think this was planned.

I was so nervous, not for the simple fact that I met them, but because of what I was told beforehand, about what his father is like. Make eye contact, smile, say hello. His dad offered me some homemade wine, which I only sipped a little of. He offered me beer also, but I declined. Hsiaokwai later said he was testing me (as is everything he will do), knowing that his ex was an alcoholic. Heh.

We went back again the next day, on July 4th, so he could help his dad with some things. They have baby ducks -- it's sooo cute. I mostly walked around, fun isn't it? Right before we left, they were on the computer... his dad has some tablet where you can write Chinese characters on, and it'll convert to a computerized version, y'know?

That morning, though, we were both only half-awake, but he mumbled something about finishing FFX. I got mad, because he played the game for me, so I could see how it turned out. I proceeded to slap him, hard, quite a few times. I really pissed him off, even though I didn't mean to slap that hard. ^^;

His mother knows we're dating, I don't think his dad does yet, I don't know. But from what I've been told, neither know i'm living with him yet.

Although... I have to get repeat tests done, to say for absolute certainty... I'm probably pregnant. I can't even cry or show any emotion, I'm shocked. Hsiaokwai was home today, as usual, for his lunch break. I took a shower when he stepped through the door, and while in there, I had to pee but I forced myself not to. I'd went to Publix earlier to pick up some home pregnancy tests, and obviously wanted to save my urine for that, heh.

For a couple months now, I've been taking birth control called Levlite, it's a low-dose hormone pill. I know I should've just kept with my higher-dose ones.. x_x;; Anyway, the first month I was on it, I bled all month, stopping just before my period, which then I only spotted.

I just finished another pack this past Friday, and aside from minor bleeding while having sex, didn't bleed at all last week. My "period" was due, I was supposed to bleed! I took the shit everyday, I don't get it. ASDFJSFGJDGXFGDF.

Why couldn't I be like my mom? We both have had irregular periods, but it took her longer to conceive me, especially after going off birth control.

ConfusedNazgul: It seems like the less someone wants a baby, the easier it is to get one. =/

Sure, I'd been continuously batting the idea around in my head, about having kids down the road. Either for or against it, depending on my current mood. But not at 20 YEARS OLD!

ConfusedNazgul: That would be what determined my decision if it were me.

I still have to get my life straightened out... go to school... do things I've always wanted to do. 20 fucking years old... or will be in less than 2 months.

I wish I was blessed with infertility.

My boyfriend is fired, he's calling me "mommy". x_x; I don't think he was being condescending, or anything like that, but I told him to shut up anyway.

At most, I'm not more than 3-4 weeks pregnant, if I really am. Because before I moved to West Palm Beach, I went to the Health Department back in Clearwater, to get a Pap Smear and get my Birth Control refilled (13 months worth). You know how they make you take a pregnancy test before they'll give it to you, and that came back negative. :(

I don't know what I'll do.

[User Picture]From: xochitl
2004-07-05 01:25 pm (UTC)
If you were taking the pill as directed, I don't understand how you could get pregnant. That is bizarre.. I never know whether to say "congrats" or "I'm sorry" when someone thinks they might be pregnant. ^^;
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[User Picture]From: shinwachou
2004-07-05 01:32 pm (UTC)
The failure rates still exist, unfortunately. And I was on a low-dose pill, which I've never trusted too much. I don't think Levlite liked me very much, heh.
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[User Picture]From: xochitl
2004-07-05 07:55 pm (UTC)
As far as I can remember, my doctor told me that low-hormone pills have the same rate of effectiveness. I was considering switching to Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo (if my trial run of Seasonale doesn't work out). I suppose it depends on your body type or something I guess. :\
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[User Picture]From: shinwachou
2004-07-05 07:59 pm (UTC)
I know that's what doctors say... but, I've experienced side-effects from low-hormone pills, that I never did with higher-hormone pills. =\

Nothing ever makes sense with me. ;P
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[User Picture]From: handcuffs
2004-07-05 01:57 pm (UTC)
I think most birth control pills have a 1% failure rate. That always freaked me out, because..knowing my luck. So I started using spermicidal KY along with the pill and so far...I'm not pregnant. So maybe you should look into that in the future.

But I bet you guys would have an adorable baby. Good luck with all that. I hope it all works out for you.
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[User Picture]From: shinwachou
2004-07-05 06:27 pm (UTC)
I heard condom manufacturers are discontinuing it (also) because it helps speed HIV faster into the body. =\
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[User Picture]From: handcuffs
2004-07-05 07:45 pm (UTC)
Eek. Well, neither my partner nor I have HIV, so that isn't a problem.

I didn't know it caused irritation in a lot of women. It's never bothered me before. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones (or something.) Interesting.
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[User Picture]From: _eevee
2004-07-05 07:02 pm (UTC)

i know exactly how you feel. at 20 years old i would be a deer in headlights if i found out i might be pregnant. i know i want a child at around 25, because right now i'm mentally and emotionally prepared, but NOT financially. it would be an awful situation.

but basically... if the pill has been making your periods irregular maybe you aren't. and sometimes those tests do say you're pregnant when you aren't, especially if you've been on the pill. maybe try a blood test? that is sure-fire.

and a question... does he know?

listen. i might be moving to florida anytime between a few months from now and january. if it is right, and you do keep it, i will help out. if you wanna go to school... i'll babysit. etc. it is not a completely negative thing, i'm sure you know. lots of girls have babies at 16-18, and some don't have any aspirations. you do. a benefit of having a kid means the goverment pays you to go to school. you'd go for free and have some money left to spare for childcare, transportation, whatever. all is not lost. just don't fret. whichever way you decide to go, it will be right. and even having a kid is a good jumpstart... it can make you a much better, more responsible person. really. it betters most people.

but anyway you can count me in if you ever need help.
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