|what am I doing wrong?
||[Mar. 1st, 2004|10:49 pm]
Maybe it's just because I woke up, maybe it's because I think everyone is trying to stay away from me, maybe I just need to be in a mental hospital...
But I really don't want to go to Chicago now. Up until now, I was both excited and nervous, but now it's far more nervous than excited... i'm starting to have second-thoughts.
As soon as I schedule a vacation, everybody wants to do something (for once). And I hate that guilt feeling I get when I tell them I can't.
And with all the guys I've been meeting so far from those personals.... it's starting to get to me, i've only met 3 so far, but, still. Wasting their time knowing a spark probably won't ignite, knowing nothing'll happen, and worst of all... them not getting back to me after we've met. People are busy, sure, but does it really take a week or more, for a response? Is my company really not enjoyable? Why do people shie away from me? I can live without a partner, but it doesn't mean my desire ever wanes for it.
I feel sick. I wish I wasn't so weak.