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Running into your past, lack of communication with friends, and a personal issue - 神話蝶 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
桜井香津美

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Running into your past, lack of communication with friends, and a personal issue [Feb. 13th, 2007|08:45 pm]
桜井香津美
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After work today, I went back to the seafood department to get crab legs. On my way out of the break room to there, I walked past an employee I hadn't recalled seeing before since I started at this store. I did a double-take of him, but kept walking. While they got my crab legs together, I went back to him and asked if he went to Safety Harbor Middle. He nods and goes, "I thought you looked familiar". We chit-chatted for a few, then I left to get my crab legs.

His name is Will, and he's leaving in a week to move to Indiana again. I remember when we first met, he asked me to go to a school dance with him. Let's say that I wasn't a popular person in middle school, and he got teased so much for taking me to the dance and for talking to me period. Before that, he was a nice boy who actually *talked* to me and sat with me at lunch. After the whole dance thing, he just started being rude to me like many of the other kids. I remember because one year, I think the next year, we both had to go to summer school and we had the same bus stop. He wasn't very nice then. But I guess that's just how people are at that age, because when I ran into him today, he (from what I could tell in such short time) was the same person I originally remember.

Last Friday was my friend Natalie's birthday. Me, her and Chelsea went out to play pool. Not long after we got there, she was bringing up JR. I said I didn't want to talk about it, partly because thoughts of him still sting a bit, and also because she never liked him from the get go (much like every guy I like, including my ex), so I knew she would just get into a tirade about it. She started getting pissy after I kept rebuffing talking about it, and making snarky remarks.

Towards the end of the night, she was starting to bitch about how I never tell her anything, and that I haven't in the past couple years or so. We go way back, since about 3rd grade. I was trying to tell her it's because she overreacts, and gets pretty bullheaded about things, among other things. For example, when I was pregnant, I didn't tell her till I was already 6 months along. I was afraid she'd think badly of me, because she's not a big fan of children. Only later did I realize she has many friends with kids, and obviously still remained friends with them, so I was the one who "overreacted", I guess. But generally it's hard for me to tell her things, because I never think she'll understand, or if she'll see my points of view. She tends to make snap judgments, and... yeah.

But we finally had an apparently long-overdue conversation. She was expressing displeasure with either never being told anything about what's going on in my life, or being the last to know. I tried to explain that it didn't sit well with me not telling her. It's not that I don't ever let people tell me things I don't necessarily want to hear, but with her, she has a tendency to be bullheaded and has a very hard time seeing other points of view on things.

I told her that she has to promise to actually *listen* to me when/if I bring up something I want to talk about, and not be so bullheaded about things, to try to understand other POV's even if she doesn't agree with it. She understood me, and I understood her. (I can't quite remember what she said, but in any case I understood whatever it was. ^^;;)

One of the (many) reasons for my quitting college halfway through the fall semester was because my attention span sucks. Absolutely no exaggeration there. Someone told me that I just need to steer my attention towards doing something I really like, and I won't have that problem, but that's just not the case. Even when I'm doing something I really like, I can't focus. As soon as I start doing *whatever*, my mind immediately goes somewhere else. Every time.

That said, I have this fear of not remembering things (and subsequently a fear of not getting things done), so I write lots of notes. Constantly. I don't know when this habit started, but I also have gotten to the point where I write notes of notes. It's terrible.

The two things tie into each other, and I really don't know what to do about this.

Another thing is I have packrat tendencies. I don't quite understand this either. I wouldn't say it's a cause of my debt, as it was relatively expensive purchases that caused that. Blah, enough introspective shit for now.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nebulosity
2007-02-14 02:04 am (UTC)
Wow, I can totally relate to having a hard time focusing in school. Sometimes it's so hard for me to focus in class that I just stare at one point on the wall or chalkboard until everything goes blurry. Sometimes when I'm doing my homework, I lose so much focus that I just stare at my homework for an HOUR while my mind has hopped on a rocket to Mars or something.

Things that help me are eating lots of home-made food, light snacking throughout the day, and occasional energy drink, daily vitamins and exercise. I'm serious when I say that your health and what you eat has EVERYTHING to do with how well you concentrate. There are actually books that you can buy that talk about how the food we eat in America is giving us ADD tendencies. My fluids professor can't eat any inorganic or processed foods because she becomes SO unfocused. I could ask her what books she found her information in if you're interested.

If you eat healthy and exercise and STILL can't focus, then you may want to visit a doctor for suggestions. Ask for natural ways to help you focus, like mind exercises or something. If you go through a bunch of that and it doesn't work, there's always medication to help you concentrate. But the problem with the medication is that it becomes less effective over time and you find yourself needing more to have the same effect. My friend karen is having a breakdown because her triple dose of Adderol doesn't even phase her now. At this point she's out of luck because her body just became immune to the adderol. And she's still got a year and a half until graduation.

This semester, I've changed my diet and my exercise, and I'm finding myself more focused, more driven, and overall feeling better. I don't know what your daily habits are like, but I hope this helps somehow. :)
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[User Picture]From: shinwachou
2007-02-14 04:22 am (UTC)
The focusing issue isn't only school, it invades the rest of my life too.

I'm actually eating more organic/less-processed foods lately. My mom thinks I'm turning into a health "freak", lol. I still have to have certain foods every now and then though, like Hamburger Helper or McD's, lol.

Out of all the things I've heard that cause myriad things nowadays, foods causing ADD I haven't heard yet. I've heard of things like the steroids given to cows (and us eating the cows) causing early puberty, but not that. I only buy organic meat and dairy products now.

I'll definitely look into your suggestions. :) *hugs!*
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